Wonderful Day In The Neighborhood

I don't walk to work in the most logical way. 

The most logical way to walk the 8 blocks to work would be to walk to the corner, turn left, walk 8 blocks, and turn left again. 

However, I like my route slightly better.

I walk to the corner, and turn left. I then walk 3 blocks, I stop at "my" Starbucks and say hello to "my" barista. (He was working on my way home last night, we made faces in the window at each other while he cleaned up.) I get some sort of tea. 

I walk one block further, and then turn left and walk down the street I used to work on. I pass the pizza place my friends and I used to frequent, and wave to the guys inside. (I bought a slice there last night. The owner and I chatted about the new place he's opening a few blocks away.)

I continue down the block past the restaurant where my friends and I would hang at the bar, and where the bartender showed me his sweet motorcycle. Sometimes I run into people I used to work with outside the theatre. 

This is about halfway down the block. At this point, I cross the street and walk through a breezeway under a hotel. This is more habit than anything else now. I used to do it to listen to the Sinatra music that played in the breezeway, and to say hello to my friend Riley who worked in one of the stores, but the Sinatra show closed, and Riley's schedule hasn't lined up with mine in some time. 

I cross the street midway and walk through the breezeway under the theatre I sometimes sub at. If I'm lucky, I run into my old boss outside and get to say hello.

I cross the street again and land myself in front of the bagel place. To my coworkers it literally is just "the bagel place". Surely, there are about 20 other places to get a bagel around work, but this is the bagel place, just like the deli is the deli, and if you say you're going to the deli, everyone knows which one. 

At this point, I turn left, walk to the corner, and turn right landing myself right in the middle of Times Square. I weave through tourists for the last 2 blocks, and land myself at work. 

So why bother? Why take the longer way to work? 

Because this is my neighborhood, and I like that. I like that the guys at Starbucks or at the pizza place know me. I like that I can run into old coworkers. I like that, if I take my route, somewhere along the way to work someone will greet me with a smile and a wave. And if I'm having a bad day, that might just be the thing to cheer me up. 

I think it's one of the things I've inherited from my dad. When I was little, I would go with my dad on errands. (I still do occasionally, when I'm home. Just for old time's sake.) Whenever my dad walked into the cleaner's, or the bagel place, (Different bagel place, but the bagel place of my childhood. They don't taste as good if they come from anywhere else, I don't care what you say.) or the fish market, he was greeted with a smile and a wave. The people who work at the stores in my neighborhood know my dad, and they all like him. And you know what? When I walk into the cleaner's with my dad's laundry bag, they greet me with a smile and a wave too, and ask how I am, and how my father is. I love that. And I love that now I have that in my own neighborhood, even one as big as New York City. 

So even if it takes me a little longer to get to work, I'd rather have a smile and a wave along the way. I'd rather have that moment of personal interaction before I turn into a robot for a few hours. And for that, I'll take the scenic route.

~Jessica

NaNoWriMo

So after a couple of years of hearing about it, but sitting on the sidelines, I've finally decided to participate in NaNoWriMo. 


For those of you who don't know what NaNoWriMo is...


"National Novel Writing Month is a fun, seat-of-your-pants approach to novel writing. Participants begin writing November 1. The goal is to write a 175-page (50,000-word) novel by midnight, November 30."


Good thing I have no IDEA what I want to write! 


Writing a novel should be no big deal, right? Goodness knows I can never shut up, and all my blogs are too long for the average reader to want to bother with. 


But rambling endlessly on a blog is totally different than trying to write a novel. I mean, I know I'm an interesting character and all, but god knows the storyline of my life is full of plot holes, loose ends, and requires a good deal of suspension of disbelief. 


I probably shouldn't have decided to do this without a clear plan in mind, but then, maybe figuring it out along the way is half the fun. 


At the end of the day, there's a lot of things I'm trying to take my mind off of lately, so I figured a new place to channel my energy would be good. 


Have you ever participated in NaNoWriMo? Where did you find your inspiration? Did you reach your 50,000 word goal? Were you ashamed of the resulting manuscript, or were you a total badass who managed to get it published?


~Jessica

If You Can See Their Eyes

One of the earliest life lessons I learned as a child was seemingly little more than a logical lesson in sightlines. One of the basic ideas of hide-and-go-seek is simply this - if you can see their eyes, they can see you. Sensible, I suppose, to assume that if their eyes are visible to you, should they shift their gaze, yours would be to them as well. The underlying lesson, of course, is to just hide, not try to figure out where your opponent is lurking.

Nevertheless, the rule stuck with me. Because it made sense. Into my adult years, I would remember from time to time. If you can see their eyes, they can see you. It didn't occur to me until much later that the little saying in the back of my head was only half the battle. Yes, if you can see their eyes they can see you, theoretically. But then, they have to look.

For weeks, months maybe, you saw me sitting there, but my gaze was always directed elsewhere. I was distracted, or busy. My eyes were there, but I didn't see you. Once you opened your mouth, however, that was the end of my unintentional indifference. Hell, it was the end of everything. You opened your mouth, and your arms, and you were all that I could see. Funny how that works, isn't it? How someone can go from nobody to the center of your universe so quickly. 

And so it began. The very first whirlwind romance of my life. And as we flirted at a distance, my faith in my childhood logic returned. From across the building I'd seek out your eyes, and let mine linger where you were sure to find them. And that's how it was when we were apart. Silent, stolen glances. The workplace was suddenly alive with the electricity of a new romance. I'd walk taller when I could see your eyes. Because I knew you could see me. 

Like most whirlwind romances, though, we spun out of control. We forgot where we were going. The last time I saw you, you had your arm around me, and you were looking at me. You smiled, and I looked into your eyes. 

You weren't looking at me. You were looking through me, somehow. Beyond me. But not at me. I was standing right there, but you couldn't see me. And as we stumbled home, hand in hand, and tumbled into bed, I started to wonder if you ever had. And as I kissed you goodbye and silently slipped away in the morning, I wondered if you ever would.

If you can see their eyes, they can see you. But sometimes, they just aren't looking.

~Jessica

Memories Of My Internet Childhood

So I was sitting around playing Fishy,





a favorite game of myself and my friends in high school when we wanted to kill time in the computer lab, and I got to thinking about the internet I knew and loved when I was younger and how it was a much more low-tech world of bad flash animations, Chuck Norris jokes, really bad MMORPGs, and email chain letters.


So I'd like to take a moment to look back* and remember the internet I grew up with, and share a few of my favorite old-school internet memories.


*As much as it makes me feel old to have finished college, I'm not actually that old, so my "blast from the past" is really only going back 10 years or so. Haha


2005 - The Ultimate Showdown Of Ultimate Destiny





Another staple in the computer labs of my high school was this delightful little flash video. And come on, what's not to like? All our favorite super heroes and villains beating each other up!


2003 - The End of the World, The Badger Song, Foamy





"Hokay, so, here is the Earth..." To this day, I quote this flash animation at totally inappropriate times.





Badger, badger, badger, badger... and so on and so forth. In addition to this, we also should probably mention the Llama song, which is equally funny and probably even more nonsensical.





Foamy the Squirrel! I couldn't get a definitive date on the origination of Foamy, but I know he's been around a long time, bitching and moaning about the world and everyone in it. The oldest cartoons are the funniest, the newer ones are really just sad.


2002 - Coke Music





Not sure what the point of this ever was, but it was hilarious. It was a flash game based around coke, and you could have your own studio, fill it with furniture, make music, and try to make that music popular. You could also use it for player-run races, and "falling furniture" games, and cyber sex, as most did.


2001 - 8 Bit Theatre





Who didn't love Fighter, Black Mage, Theif, and Red Mage? Okay, fine, we liked White Mage too. I loved the comic strip, and the flash videos that were made. (This video is not actually of any of the comic strips, it's a spoof using the characters) HAAAADOOOOKEEEEN!!!





There's some legit 8 Bit Theatre!


1997 - Tibia





One of the first MMORPGs, ironically, I have never met anyone else who has even heard of this game outside of the group of 4 or 5 friends and myself who played it in middle school. It was always a lot of fun, though it quickly became really outdated. Watching the video of the Annihilator quest makes it look like it's actually really boring, but there's a lot going on in the video that you can't really see in the gameplay. It was cool, trust me.


What are some of your favorite old-school flash animations, games, or websites?


~Jessica

I Can't Carry It For You

To Those Who Need Me,

There are things in life that we have to do on our own. Mistakes we have to make, lessons we have to learn, obstacles we have to overcome. There are things in our lives that no one else can do for us, and that we have to accomplish on our own, or not at all. 

We have to find ourselves, because nobody else knows who we are until we do.

With that in mind, it's not difficult for us to feel completely and totally alone. 

So I wanted to say... Just because I can't do it for you doesn't mean I can't be there for you. Just because I can't make your mistakes and learn your lessons doesn't mean I won't hold your hand while you do. Someone will be there for you in your darkest hour. 

We have burdens in life, and often, we must shoulder them by ourselves. And that can be really, really scary. But when you feel as though you're going to shatter beneath the weight of the world, lean on me. 

Whatever burden in your life is holding you down, whatever obstacle in front of you seems completely insurmountable, whatever mistake you think you will never be able to put behind you, meet it head on. And when you do, look beside you. Because I will be there. 

I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you.

~Jessica

Why Everyone Should Work In The Service Industry

Yes, I am one of those people who believes that everyone, at some point in their life, should work in the service industry in some way, shape or form - as a waiter or waitress, as a cashier, as a sales associate, something, anything, because I believe that anyone who has been through that would find it a hell of a lot harder to be a douchebag when they are the customer.
I work as a sales associate in a Broadway theatre. Not one shift goes by where I am not treated poorly by a customer. I don't understand why people find it appropriate or necessary to treat people in service positions so poorly, but I DO know that people who have been on the receiving end of that bullshit are a lot less likely to dish it out themselves. Even if I am having an absolutely shit day, I will still be polite to my waitress at dinner, or the cashier at the supermarket. Because it's the right thing to do.
So I have a couple of things to say to people who find such decency beyond them.


1. 90% of the time, we have no control over what you're complaining about.
Yes, the T-shirts are expensive. No, they're not quite true to size. But do you want to know something? Hard though this may be to believe. I don't actually make up the prices, and I don't make the T-shirts either. I just work here. Telling me that you think our merchandise is highway robbery, or that even the smallest size is too big for you or your child does not make any difference to me. There is absolutely nothing I can do. And because of the nature of my job, there's nothing I can say either, except to apologize to you for something that, by the way, also isn't my fault. I have no control over what we produce, how it fits, or how much it costs. You know what else? It's not your waitress' fault that the kitchen ran out of filet mignon. It's not your hostess' fault that there's a half hour wait for a table. It's not the cashier's fault at the supermarket that the price of milk has gone up. It's not your cab driver's fault that there's traffic. Your waiter cannot miraculously make your meal cook faster. The cashier at the supermarket can't print coupons on demand. I cannot pull the exact merchandise you want out of my ass. Bitching to these people achieves nothing but making them feel badly for things that are beyond their control. And 99% of the time, it's something that we've heard too many times before.


2. We don't know everything - and it's not our job to.
As someone who has lived and worked in Manhattan, and in Times Square specifically for 3 years, I am pretty familiar with the area. So if you need directions or a restaurant recommendation or something like that, it's likely that yes, I will be able to help you. But if you're going to see a show at another theatre and you didn't bother to get directions to it beforehand, don't bitch me out if I don't know where to direct you to. Your waitress might not know either - she might be new to the area. Your cab driver doesn't have to know how much it costs to get in to wherever he's taking you. We are not endless fountains of information. I sell merchandise. I am not with the ushers union, I am not with the box office staff, and I am not with the concessions company, so NO, I don't know how much the tickets are, where your seats are, or how much your cocktail will cost. No, it is not my first day. But it is not my job to know that information. In fact, we have been specifically instructed NOT to learn those things because it's not our place to be directing customers to their seats or rattling off every possible price of a ticket, and if we get it wrong, it inconveniences the people whose job it IS to deal with that. So stop shoving your ticket in my face and rolling your eyes when I tell you I'm not sure exactly where that seat is, because if you piss me off again, I'm going to tell you it's up 3 flights of stairs.


3. Familiarize yourself with gratuity practices before you travel.
I'm willing to admit the fact that various countries do things differently where gratuity is concerned, so you may not be used to the way things are done where you're visiting. Some places, it's automatically included. Some places, it's inappropriate to tip a bartender. Some places, it's inappropriate to NOT tip a bartender. But it's YOUR responsibility to find out before you go. Here in New York City, you are expected to tip your waiters and waitresses, and your bartenders, and your cab drivers, among others. And if it's a position that is expecting you to tip, their hourly wage reflects that, so if they are providing good service to the best of their ability (see point #1 about things that are not a waiter/waitress' fault) for goodness' sake, TIP THEM! If you don't have enough money to tip your server, don't eat out, or go get some fast food - don't make them suffer for your poor planning.


4. "If you don't like it, get another job" is not a valid argument.
And the next time I hear someone say that, I'm going to go off on them. Every SINGLE day I get up and I search for jobs, partially because I do not make enough money at my job, and partially because I would like to work in the field that I am trying to make a career, and trust me kids, it's not the service industry. Anyone who is working right now or who is trying to find a job knows that they're not just lying around waiting to be snapped up, and that for every available job, there are many, many people trying to land it. You do not get to rob us of our right to complain about people like YOU treating us like shit by saying "If you don't like it, get another job." Some of us keep these jobs because they work with our school schedules. Some of us use it to supplement income from our day jobs which also don't pay enough. Some of us just can't find another job. So shut up, take your merchandise, eat your burger, drink your cocktail, and LEAVE.


5. Be respectful and polite.
When I say "Hi, how are you?" don't ignore me. Don't shout at me, don't cut in line, and don't interrupt me when I'm speaking to someone else. I will get to everyone, and the more patient and relaxed everyone is, the better it will go. "Please" and "Thank you" go a long way, and so does a "How are you?" in return, even if it's far from genuine. Don't get angry at a server who isn't 100% happy and cheerful to you when you're treating them like shit. Lucky for you, I'm not actually allowed to NOT be 100% happy and cheerful, so if I insult you at all, it will probably be in such a passive aggressive way, you will never notice. But really, just don't be a douchebag. It's not hard.


What would you add to this list? What points do you agree/disagree with?


~Jessica

Engagement Fever

I may be a little young for this frenzy to be sweeping my friends and acquaintances, but, well... tell them that. 

It seems that in recent months a rather impressive number of friends, acquaintances, and old high school classmates have been making plans to tie the knot - much to my occasionally bitter dismay. While a few are the result of the age old pregnancy-turned-shotgun-wedding, others are simply engagements at the ripe old ages of 20 and 21. 

It got me thinking. I don't think I've ever dated someone that I saw myself marrying. I mean, there was That Man, of course, who I would have happily followed to the ends of the earth, and obviously married if he'd asked me, but I knew he never would. He had been divorced twice, and let's face it, I'm not sure marriage follows the "Third time's the charm!" train of thought. In fact, with all the cards on the table now, I'm not sure he'll ever truly commit to anyone ever again, let alone marry them. My most recent ex and I had discussed it, and while we'd both admitted that it just wasn't in the cards for us - the age difference, though unimportant in the short term, was ultimately insurmountable in the long term - we joked about it from time to time, and appreciated what our relationship was while it lasted. The guy I'm seeing now insists that he never wants to be married again. (I really have a thing for divorced guys, huh?) 

Some people say there's no point in dating someone if you don't think you'd marry them. I guess I disagree, because first off, how can you possibly know that from the get go? Furthermore, I believe there are things to be gained from relationships that won't necessarily end in marriage. You know what they say... you've got to kiss a lot of toads... or something like that. But I have to say, throughout my experience with relationships, even the ones that ended horribly have taught me a lot. There are a lot of things you think won't matter in relationships that do, and a lot of things you think will that don't. I think you get a better idea of what you're looking for by experiencing a lot of different things that don't work.

But this entry isn't really about my stance on dating, or relationships, and how you should go about them. It's about the little twinge of bitterness that flares up in the pit of my stomach every time my newsfeed boasts a new engagement. It's about the slight shade of green that clouds my eyes as the jealousy swells a bit. Girls my own age sporting huge rocks on their fingers. Girls I went to school with. Girls who haven't even finished college yet. It's about the fact that no matter how happy I am for my friends when I find out they're getting married, I can't help but feel that annoying feeling, a toxic mix of jealousy, bitterness, and fear. 

I'm jealous that they've found that picture perfect fairytale relationship. I'm bitter that I haven't found it yet myself. And I'm afraid that I never will. 

And yet... a few comments made in passing by the guy I'm seeing made me realize something.

I am nowhere NEAR ready to be married! 

First off, I don't have a stable relationship, but that's a given. The day I'm one half of a completely normal, functional relationship is the day the world implodes on itself. I'm not the bitter single chick, because I'm not single, but I'm also not in a super normal lovey-dovey relationship. Beyond that, I don't have a job that would be able to sustain that relationship, or the kind of financial independence I think a married couple should have. I'm not able to support myself, let alone support a husband. (Clearly I am not one of those girls who expects to be taken care of - though I wouldn't say no!) I don't have a stable and secure lifestyle - stacking a marriage on top of the shaky foundation that is my life right now just seems like a recipe for disaster. The frustrating thing is, though not as much as in years past, it still seems like something I'm SUPPOSED to be doing, which makes me feel like some sort of failure for NOT doing it. I feel as though, in spite of all my success in other areas of my life, I've failed in the "being a woman" department. I know that's not true, and that I'm clearly not ready, and that when I am in a position where I'm stable and secure in my life then I can worry about attempting a marriage-bound relationship. 

I try to remind myself of that every time a new engagement pops up and I start sipping my toxic cocktail of self-loathing, though it doesn't always work. 

Have you gotten to the age where all your friends have started to get married? Has it bothered you at all? Do you ever feel a sense of bitterness when you hear of friends getting engaged? Or are you the friend who is getting engaged? What do you think is a requirement for being ready to get married?

~Jessica