Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Crush Me

I have a younger cousin that I used to babysit for a lot before I went off to college. We played all the requisite games, like tag, and hide and go seek. We'd color, and watch movies. Almost every time I'd babysit her, if we were sitting on the couch, she'd try to slip under my legs, and say "Crush me!".

The first time she did this, I was confused. I mean, come on - we all know the first rule of babysitting is that you do not, in fact, sit on the baby. But I obligingly let her lay down under my legs, and get "crushed".

Time and again, when I would come to babysit, the same thing would happen. She'd ask to be crushed, and settle in under the weight of my legs, apparently completely comfortable. Sometimes she'd be frustrated that my legs weren't heavy enough, and put a pillow on top as well.

It wasn't until much later that I understood how that could not only be comfortable, but comforting as well.

It wasn't until I was drifting off to sleep, crushed under the weight of someone else's body, yearning, even then, to pull them closer to me.

It wasn't until That Man laid his head on my chest, with his arms around me, that I thought "Hold me here, pressed tight against you, crushed against you." Just feeling the weight of another person's body over mine was so comforting. It made me feel less alone. It made me feel connected.

I don't know if that's quite what my cousin had in mind, but I know she's not as weird as I thought.

So, crush me. Stay close to me. Remind me that you're there. Let me cling to you for a few hours, because when the morning sun rises, you'll be gone.

Crush me.


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