Monday, January 31, 2011

My Tried-And-True, Make-Me-Famous Diet and Exercise Plan!

So I was one of those losers who made a New Year's Resolution to eat better and go to the gym more. I'm doing it a little differently this year though. Instead of following a specific dieting or exercise plan, I'm just kind of winging it. That's usually a disaster for someone like me - I usually require very strict rules for this sort of thing, otherwise I go tumbling off the wagon faster than you can blink. But I figured that I'd give the whole no-structure thing a try, and see where it went. 

After a month of doing things my way and still seeing results, I excitedly spoke to my parents about how much money I'm going to make when I market this delightful new weight-loss and tone-up plan to the masses. I've seen results in only 4 weeks - that's even less than the Special K diet boasts, and my way sucks a lot less than eating Special K for 2 meals a day! 

But since I love you guys, my dear readers, I'm going to let you in on the secrets of my plan. It's called the "Eat as much greek yogurt, eggs, and salad as you want, chug one protein shake after every work out, drink lots of water, and go to the gym 4 or 5 times a week" plan. 

As I explained this to my mother, I stopped to laugh as soon as I finished reciting that very long title, and said "Oh wait... someone has already come up with that, haven't they? It's called common sense." 

As much as I'm sure Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers don't want you to know this, the biggest dieting secret of them all is that there IS no epic weight loss secret, and you don't have to pay any of these companies to tell it to you. I haven't cut anything completely out of my diet. I still have a drink when I'm out at the bar. If I'm PMSing and I want a piece of chocolate, I have it. I just do what makes sense. Eat things that you know have nutritional value, not empty calories. Don't drink away your calories with soda and sugary juices when you can have water, coffee, or all natural juice. Don't get suckered in by all the frozen diet meals that have enough sodium to choke a horse. (Yea, I eat them sometimes too, just not EVERY NIGHT). 

And if you do have a night where, say, it's your birthday and this guy you used to work with brings you his awesome lemon squares and you're at your favorite bar with the great mozzarella sticks and you can't help but have some... go ahead. Don't beat yourself up about it, but just don't let it happen again for a little while. And maybe push yourself a little harder at the gym the next day. The more you deny yourself things and make yourself miserable, the less you're going to want to stick to it. Any woman knows that telling yourself you can't have chocolate when you're PMSing is cruel and unusual punishment. 

So the bottom line here is... you can lose weight, or tone up, and see results in a fairly short time just by USING COMMON SENSE! It's not as bad as you think it's going to be. 


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